Why I Liked When Clinton Reformed Welfare

Two hours later: I manned up and drank the water… my face didn’t turn crazy colors so if I keep typing you know I’m ok.

My water issues rinsed away quickly as the rest of my day unfolded. Virtually unannounced Kevin’s long haired bearded friend welcomed himself into our cottage. He arrived baring gifts: a half drunken bottle of German beer and a stench twice as potent as the smelly kid in 4th grade who just went through puberty and didn’t know it, but for some stinky reason everyone else does . He instantly made himself to home and sat at our supper table for a bite to eat. He ate through our bag of cheesy poofs like we’d laced them with cocaine. While trying to avoid gagging from the smell I listened to him arrogantly tell us about his times in Europe.

He started out telling us how he hitchhiked here. I laughed knowing that it’s pretty damn hard to hitchhike to an island. When he didn’t laugh I felt a little uncomfortable and let him speak his mind.

Matt grew up in a middle class family and went to high school with Kevin at a private Catholic high school. For two years after getting his diploma he tried his luck at the University of Minnesota and decided he “needed to spend a semester in Europe to find himself”. For under $1,300 he managed a full Euro trip with all transportation, food, and shelter provided. But how?

For less than a grand he took off from MSP and landed in Dublin, Ireland a little more than 2 months ago. For $37 he took Ryan Air to Brussels. Wow. So two months on less than $300 in Europe where the McDonalds costs and arm and leg. How’d he do it? I wanted to know… I picked his brain, because I’m a penny pincher, but seriously the supply and demand for that half drunken double pint beer in his hand sets him back at least €6 alone.

Turns out he’s a professional freeloader. Not like the guy who used to eat every bodies food at the lunch table in high school… That’s amateur compared to this guy. He connected with various truckers who mostly didn’t speak a lick of English and slowly hitchhiked his way through Europe mooching rides, sleeping on the streets, “in bushes”, and in “squatting houses” for free.

“Squatting houses are better than some hostels.” What the heck’s a squatting house I asked him? (Wiki article on squatting houses.) Turns out its vacant lots or semi abandon buildings where the landlord owns the property, but doesn’t use it. So drifters take it over and live their inviting others for “free”. He “slept next to more heroin addicts than” he knew existed. The freeloader explained how he helped tear down a wall in one squatting house in Barcelona, but the cops came and arrested them because the site hadn’t been considered legally “squatting settled” yet. I nodded my headed and showed my deep concerns with a pitying facial expression while thinking to myself ()@#*$()&*)(&@$#! (use your imagination). For food he “went around restaurants begging for left overs” and when this failed he “dug through garbage”!

Don’t feel too bad folks, a little beer chased the taste of trash. In most of Europe costumers buy a bottle of beer and walk out on their merry way, drink their beer, and discard the glass bottle. Or if they feel up to it they can return their glass bottle and receive an X% refund. So our freeloader collected glass bottles around the cities and drank beer to stimulate his mind. The conversation went on for about 30mins about his time in Europe while I cooked us up a feast. I planned on cooking noodles with meat sauce, but our beggar was a chooser too and informed us he didn’t eat meat, so I switched it to tacos, with beef for us, and rice, beans, and potatoes to “meat” his needs. (WHAT, BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS I THOUGHT? So he’s a vegetarian who eats from the garbage, but worries about the affects of red meat?)

While in awe Schafer asked, “What’s the biggest thing you learned on your journey?”
Between inhaling the food I bought and cooked, sitting in the warm cottage I helped to pay heat he says with a smirk, “I learned I can live for free.” (WHAT THE HELL!!! FREE? Somebody paid for that!!!)

Then our freeloading friend watched us all do the dishes while he watched the electric meter spin and the computer screen refresh while surfing the World Wide Web for the first time in a while. I guess he had a couple thousand electronic mail messages to check.

He says he found that college isn’t for him, because he likes to live more simple and doesn’t need a high paying job anymore…

This guy now lies in front of the fireplace with full stomach and a blanket to cover the smell and keep his rancid feet from getting too cold. (Thank goodness that draft I’ve been complaining about helps to keep the air circulating or I’d not be able to sleep).

I grow more and more frustrated as he rests with his stomach full, warm, and cozy for a good night sleep for “free”!

His way of life represents everything wrong in this world. People like him give the poor a bad name. He's making a mockery out of every actual poor person.

Thank goodness Bill Clinton reformed welfare.